I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this will be a night to untag.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's blow job season.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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