you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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