those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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