she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
