She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
