I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
