I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
