got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
