PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
