she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
