dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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