We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
