Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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