This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
