Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
whose parrot is this?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
