WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
