Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
