i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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