He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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