he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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