They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
