your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
