Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
