When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
