your room smells of hookers.
And success
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
