I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I met the friendliest cop last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
