if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
