I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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