Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want to make out with him forever
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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