so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
