hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
