Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
