Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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