i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
