y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
