he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
