I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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