She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
