who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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