we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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