it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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