Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
