My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
