We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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