I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
