I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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