kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
