She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
