It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
