just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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