we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize