I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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