it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cannot find my penis.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
