i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
