I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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