Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
