shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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