booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
