and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
