i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
