I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Buhtt sex?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
