If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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