My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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