You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
