Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
