i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
