I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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