I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
