Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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