saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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